


You’re Not

by SilverShortyyy



Series: Not Even Hell Can Vouch For Us [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Blackcest, F/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 17:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13640967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverShortyyy/pseuds/SilverShortyyy
Summary: He broke her heart and she let it get broken once. By now, she knows that only he can do that to her. So she had thought it would never happen again after he left and promised to never come back.But their generation of Blacks were never good at making promises, usually breaking it after a couple of years or so.Companion piece to Bellatrix Doesn’t Cry and Guilty Pleasures, but can also be a standalone.





	You’re Not

“You’re not in love with me, Bellatrix.” He tells her, and if he was anyone else then she would already have ripped his head off. No one denies her love, absolutely no one tells her that she doesn’t really know what she wants. “You just love the fact that you’ve found someone just like you.”

“But Sirius,” and she’s going to cry, but she never cries and she never sobs and she never begs for anything. She demands, and she does not need to ask more than once when she wants something. “Sirius, I swear. I love you. And I’d love you even if you’re a Gryffindor and even if you have friends I don’t agree with, and even if your werewolf buddy would come close to killing me _just please_. _Please_ Sirius. _Don’t do this again_.”

He thought he’d never make the same mistakes twice. But here he is again, picking at the fragments falling out of her chest and pinching them to even smaller pieces. She never makes compromises, never begs and never says please. He used to think the fact that she does that with him means he might change her.

But maybe, even if the world can be saved, some people were too far from grace to be taken back.

“You don’t love me, Bellatrix.” Her tears would tear his heart apart if he hadn’t already gone through this before. “And even if I wasn’t your cousin, I know for a fact that you can’t live a life surrounded by people you don’t like.”

“For you, Siri, I swear I can take it—“

“I know you can’t.” The thunder rumbles like a warning. They don’t move away from the alley though, and she’s still grabbing at the scraps he throws even when they’re barely there. “No matter your willpower, I know you can’t.”

“Sirius, _please_!” If it was someone else she would have pushed them onto a wall and stuck her wand into their neck. But it was him, and her fingers are curled deep into his collar with her face buried deep in his shirt. “Please, I can’t go through this again!”

“You can, Bella.” His voice is soft, and he strokes her mane of hair like the way he had the first time they made love. He thinks, what if they were born in a different world? Would they be better off or would they still be frayed at the edges? “You can and you’ll get through it.”

He doesn’t say that she’ll hate him nor that she’ll probably end up killing him. Because then she’ll only have more things to promise and more promises to break.

“But Sirius, I can’t!”

She pounds her fist onto his chest and he feels her frustration, her anger, her _pain_ and she doesn’t love, doesn’t care, never did but she cares about him. He knows she does, but he knows that she only cares about the him in her mind.

“I need you, Sirius. Please. Please don’t leave again. I’ll do anything, just please don’t leave again.”

“I have to, Bella—“

“Please!” Her cries are muffled in the collar of his shirt and he just holds her, holds her while her body gets wracked with sobs and holds her while he feels her slipping. “Please, Siri, please, please, please…”

“You don’t love me, Bella.” He can see what she has always seen and he understands that, in her place, he would’ve liked it too. It was lonely being a prodigy of a pureblood family, everyone to weak to befriend. Had she been frolicking with some other man, they would have wanted her to step down. But with him, she was not only free.

He was as fiery as she was. As intense and passionate and explosive as she was. He was like the exact copy of her, just in a body of, then a boy, now a man.

And he knew her without trying, and she knew him too. Even in bed, she would instinctively know where to kiss him, just like he knew where to touch her too.

But she doesn’t know love. Doesn’t know how yet. Doesn’t know the deep crevices and dark corners of real love. Doesn’t know the madness and insanity so unlike theirs that love truly is.

He thinks maybe he loves her now, because he isn’t doing this to break away from her.

He lodges that thought in the back of his mind because it didn’t matter. Whether or not he loved her.

“You just love that I’m exactly the person you’d fall in love with.”

She was always rather fond of the unconventional things in life, anyway.

“Please, Sirius—“ She chokes on her tears, and tightens her grip as if it could tether him down to earth with her. She does not love, but maybe, just maybe, this is the closest she has ever gone to it.

_All for me._

But it was never going to work out, was it?

Not like this, not in this world.

“Goodbye, my Bella.” Her name tastes of sweetness and poison, but he admits that he’ll miss the way his mouth caresses the word ‘my’ beside her name.

He doesn’t need to know she’s spending the next few hours in the storm, alone in a dark alley, crouched and crying silently.


End file.
